Four Aspects of Life

Hello reader,

I see curiosity got the best of you and you decided to keep reading my blogs. Glad to see you came back! I’ve been thinking about some common barriers my clients face when going through therapy. One common issue that holds many people back in therapy is denial. Not denial of their feelings or emotions, but denial in the lack of accepting the situation for what it is. “What do you mean by this and how does this impact our mental health, Jon?!” I’m glad you asked!

There are four different aspects of life that we must learn to accept in order to take care of our mental health.

1) Work: Work is neither good nor bad, it just is. We cannot escape the fact that we must put in work to live. I don’t just mean work in terms of an occupation. Work goes beyond a job. We need to put in work to get out of bed. We need to put in work to eat. We need to put in work to take care of our mental health. To live in this life, we must put energy into it. This is even described in Isaac Newton’s first law of motion, “An object at rest will stay at rest. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon an external force”. At first glance, this can be a frightening concept. “That also sounds exhausting!” Yes, it is, but if we learn to accept that work is just a part of life, then it puts us in the driver’s seat to at least have an influence on our own life. This is the basis of bettering our life.

2) Change: Change is neither good nor bad, it just is. Change is going to happen whether we are prepared for it or not. This can also be a frightening concept until we are able to reframe change and see it from a different perspective. The great thing about change is if we put in the Work (Aspect 1), we can influence change to be healthy and positive. It is not a 1:1 correlation since there are many things we cannot control in this life, but arguably it is better to have an influence on creating some healthy and positive changes in our life than none at all. Accepting the idea of change will make the struggles we face a bit more manageable.

3) Struggles: Struggles are neither good nor bad, it just is. We are going to experience struggles. From one perspective, life’s struggles can be a frightening concept. Although struggles can bring up some strong emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and loneliness, we also need to experience struggles to become brave, wise, joyous, and resilient. If it wasn’t for the struggles in a story, the main character (us) would not have the opportunity to grow, and growth is one of the key characteristics in life. According to Websters Dictionary life is defined as, “an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, GROWTH, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction”. Now if we put in the work (Aspect 1) to influence change (Aspect 2) then the struggles (Aspect 3) we face will build the strengths of bravery, wisdom, growth, and resiliency. As we build up these strengths, the uncertainty of life will naturally become manageable.

4) Uncertainty: Uncertainty is neither good nor bad, it just is. Our brain does not know how to comprehend uncertainty and yet that is a part of life that we must learn to accept. It would be wonderful to know the future and to avoid mistakes, pain, and hardships. Unfortunately, that is not the life we live in. We need to learn how to embrace and accept the unknown. From one perspective, again, this can be a frightening concept until we reframe it. If we reframe the unknown and accept it for what it is, then it can be very relieving and take away a lot of pressure from trying to control the parts of life that we have no control over.

Let’s put it all together! If we put in the Work (Aspect 1) to take action and influence Change (Aspect 2) then the struggles (Aspect 3) we face will naturally build mental strengths to help us face the uncertainty (Aspect 4) of life.

These are the four aspects of life we need to accept moving forward in this mental health journey. If we fight these four aspects of life, frustration, sadness, anger, pain, and guilt will emerge. This all starts with setting the intention to try. Setting the intention today to try to put in the work. Setting the intention to try and create healthy changes in your life. Setting the intention to accept that struggles come with growth, or rather accepting the fact that growth comes when we do struggle. Setting the intention to be brave and face the unknown.

Key takeaways:

1) There are four aspects of life we need to accept: work, change, struggles, and uncertainty.

2) These are neither good nor bad, they are just a part of life.

3) Our lives become more manageable when we accept all four aspects of life.

Your turn: What has been your perception when experiencing these four aspects of life? What thoughts or beliefs get in the way of accepting that this is just a part of our life? When have each of these aspects of life caused issues for you and when have they benefited you? What can you tell yourself to assist in accepting these four aspects of life?

As always remember to be kind to yourself today.

Kindly,

Jonathan Montoya, LSWAIC, MPH